


You Belong With Me

by whatamithegeekmonkey



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, F/F, High School AU, a bit of Raven/Lexa in there too, first person POV, i am so attatched to Lexa in this story, this is what happens when i listen to taylor swift music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:33:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4005988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatamithegeekmonkey/pseuds/whatamithegeekmonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa have been best friends since the first day of school. Lexa knows love is weakness but she is hopelessly in love with Clarke. Clarke is oblivious, happily dating other people. </p><p>'I lay on Clarke's bed, propped up by several pillows, pretending to be engrossed in my worn copy of Carmilla. But I was distracted, by Clarke. She had her head resting on my lap and her feet hanging over the side of the bed. She was talking on her phone, I was running my fingers through her soft, golden hair. I told myself that it was a perfectly normal thing for best friends to do, after all it was a typical Tuesday night for us. What wasn't normal was how I had to consciously stop my gaze from falling to her lips or the bare skin of her shoulder, revealed by her baggy top.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [guysinvnecks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/guysinvnecks/gifts).



> Hello!!  
> I was going to post this fic as a long one shot but have decided to post it as a two or three shot. This is by far my favorite story I have ever written. I have an unhealthy attachment to it. I got so carried away writing this fic that I literally broke the X key on my keyboard.

_You're on the phone with your girlfriend—she's upset,_  
_She's going off about something that you said_  
_'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do._

__

  
I lay on Clarke's bed, propped up by several pillows, pretending to be engrossed in my worn copy of _Carmilla._ But I was distracted, by Clarke. She had her head resting on my lap and her feet hanging over the side of the bed. She was talking on her phone, I was running my fingers through her soft, golden hair. I told myself that it was a perfectly normal thing for best friends to do, after all it was a typical Tuesday night for us. What wasn't normal was how I had to consciously stop my gaze from falling to her lips or the bare skin of her shoulder, revealed by her baggy top.

Yeah definitely not normal.

I cursed myself for the inappropriate thoughts that regularly plagued my mind. I had tried to deny it for years but the truth was that what I felt for her was anything but friendly, somewhere along the line I had fallen completely in love with her. But to Clarke I was just her best friend. I was the girl she shared her lunch with on the first day of preschool and everyday since. She didn't see me _that_ way.

“Look Lyndsey I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!” Clarke huffed, sitting up abruptly. I recoiled my hand, it was itching to run down the smooth skin of her shoulder and adjust her top or tuck the stray hair that hung in her face, behind her ear. Instead I peeked over my book to watch her. The crinkle in her brow and the way her jaw clenched tightly told me that she was frustrated.

I could hear Clarke's current girlfriend, Lyndsey bitching at Clarke through the phone for something Clarke had said earlier.

“Babe, I was just joking, I'm sorry, please don' be mad” Clarke begged. I hated seeing this side of Clarke, almost as much as I hated Lyndsey. Clarke had been different every since she started dating Lyndsey. They argued regularly and it always ended with Clarke apologizing, even when she wasn't in the wrong. She had started changing what she wore, the music she listened to and even what she said.

That's why I hated Lyndsey, it had nothing to do with the fact that she got to hold Clarke and to kiss Clarke and.... No, no I physically shook my head, trying to rid myself of the unwanted mental image of _that_ girl with my Clarke.

“Whatever, bye!” Clarke hung up her phone aggressively, pulling my from my thoughts.

She flopped back onto my lap, groaning in frustration, running her hands down her face.

“Ughhh” She huffed again.

“Everything alright?” I asked, pretending to still be interested in my book.

“She drives me crazy sometimes!” Clarke exclaimed, crossing her arms, her frown deepening.

“Trouble in paradise?” I asked, sounding snakier than I intended. “Sorry” I mumbled in apology. “What happened?” I tried again, putting my book down, ready to fulfill my role as 'best friend'. A title I had grown to dislike strongly, maybe even hate.

“I said something stupid, I thought it was funny but she didn't and got upset.” Clarke rubbed her temples, my fingers once again itched to touch her skin. It was a permanent feeling these days. Instead I settled for patting her thigh.

“I'm sure it was funny, I would have laughed” I said shrugging my shoulders. She just rolled her eyes and groaned in exasperation again. Stop doing that! I screamed internally.

Clarke's humor was definitely an acquired taste I had to admit. When we were kids she always came up with the lamest jokes, that she thought were hilarious. Most of them didn't even make sense. I never told her that though. I always laughed at them, just to see her smile widely.

Okay maybe I had always been lowkey in love with her.

“I'm such a shitty girlfriend” Clarke scolded. I frowned.

“No you're not, she is just..” A bitch. “..sensitive”. I chose my words carefully.

“Ugh I better go see her” Clarke said, dragging herself from my lap.

No come back.

I already missed her warmth.

“It's like ten o’clock Clarke,” I said lamely, knowing that 10 wasn't late at all for Clarke. She had always been a night owl A morning person? Not so much.

“I have to or she will be shitty tomorrow.” Clarke pulled on a faded denim jacket, flicking her hair out from the collar.

“I'll drive you” I offered without even thinking. I groaned internally, wanting to thump my head against the bed head. Stupid stupid!

“No, its alright. You stay here.” She grabbed her car keys and handbag.

“Ill be back soon.” She kissed me on my forehead and then left. I was to stunned from the forehead kiss to say goodbye. Friends could kiss each other on the forehead right? That was totally normal, I told myself, trying not to read in to it.

“You've got it bad Lexa,” I groaned, tossing my book across the room. I scooted down on the bed, burying my face into the pillow. I inhaled deeply, only to be assaulted with her smell. Sweet and vanillary and totally messing with my head. I violently through the pillow from the bed now laying flat on the mattress. The smell was still strong, it was her bed after all, I reminded myself.

I could go home to my bed. Not that I had slept in it in weeks. I spent most of my nights at Clarke's house, I had for years. I would sleep in her bed or the guest room. Staying in the guest room was a relatively new development. When Clarke had asked why, I said something lame like 'we are to getting to big to share'. In truth it was my way of trying to distance myself, Clarke was a snuggler. I had spent many a night laying awake, my heart thumping violently in my chest as Clarke lay with her arms wrapped around me.

Her heady scent still lingered, causing all sorts of inappropriate thoughts. I stood from the bed with a sigh. I grabbed my book from the other side of the room, tossing the pillow back on the bed and then trudged down the hall to the guest room. I got comfortable and tried to concentrate on my book again but my eyes soon drifted closed, thoughts of Clarke lulling me to sleep.

 

“Lex.. Lexa,” I was awoken by a sweet voice calling my name. “Lexa!”. I opened my eyes to see the bedroom door open, light from the hallway spilling in and bathing the figure in the doorway in light.

“Clarke?” I asked my sleepy brain finally catching up with what I was seeing. Clarke was standing in the doorway calling my name. She was dressed in her pale pink and blue flannelette pajamas, her hair mussed from sleep and she was rubbing at her teary eyes. My heart broke.

“What's wrong?” I asked, pushing my hair from my face and sitting up slightly.

“I had a bad dream,” Clarke spoke quietly. I didn't have to ask any more questions. I knew what she meant.

“Come here” I insisted, flipping the covers open slightly and shuffling to one side of the bed, to make more room. Clarke rushed from the door, jumping onto the bed. My breath hitched as she wiggled her way under the covers and scooted her warm body closer to mine. I stiffened as she looped an arm over my stomach and nuzzled her face into the crook of my neck. In that moment I was grateful for two things.

One, that it was winter and cold so Clarke was in long fuzzy pajamas and not the skimpy ones she tended to wear in warmer weather and two, that the room was dark and she wouldn't be able to see the way my cheeks flushed a bright red from her touch.

She sniffled and I new she was crying. I forced myself to relax and pretend having her warm body this close wasn't affecting me. My best friend was upset and I needed to comfort her and not be thinking about how good the hand resting on my lower belly felt or how much I wanted it to dip a little lower.

Mind out of the gutter Lexa!

Breathing deeply I wrapped an arm around her back stiffly. The way she made me feel, with her body pressed up against mine was exactly why I started sleeping in the guest room, but Clarke was in pain and needed me. Although it was tortuous having her this close, torturous to feel her nose and lips grazing my neck and her hair tickling my face, I couldn't deny her the comfort. I don't think I could deny her anything.

Never have, never will.

I knew she wouldn't want to talk about her dream so I just held her close while she softly cried. I could feel moisture from her tears on my neck and I felt horrible for being distant. So I threw all sensibility to the wind and wrapped my other arm around her tightly, pulling her closer until her head rested under my chin and her body was practically on top of mine, our legs tangled together.

“Shhh It's okay Clarke” I hushed softly, rocking her gently as she cried. Eventually her sniffling stopped and her breathing evened out. I thought she was asleep. I lay staring into the darkness, wondering what on earth I was going to do. I had it bad.

“I'm sorry I left earlier,” Clarke interrupted my internal freakout.

Okay not asleep.

“Ah that's okay,” I managed to speak. “did you sort it out?” I asked, not really wanting to know.

“Yeah we _made_ up.” The way she said 'made up' caused my stomach to do horrible flip flops, bile rising my throat. I stiffened again on reflex. “Sorry if that was TMI,” Clarke apologised.

“It's... fine,” I squeaked out. But it wasn't fine, it was the opposite of fine!! I screamed internally. The though of her doing things with _that_ girl only a few hours ago made me want to hurl. I swallowed deeply, tears burning my eyes.

“Lex you okay?” Clarke asked, obviously picking up on the tension in my body.

“Yeah. Fine. Just go to sleep Clarke.” My voice was harsher than I wanted it to be, but it was the only way I could conceal the emotions I was feeling.

Once I was sure she was actually asleep, I closed my eyes, letting a few tears fall. In the early hours of the morning I eventually fell in o a restless sleep, Clarke still curled into my arms.

Life was cruel.

* * *

 

I awoke the following morning to hair tickling my noes and the same warm hand from the night before resting on the top of my rib cage dangerously close to... No bad Lexa! Bad thoughts!

I shifted slightly, only to be made painfully aware that Clarke's knee was pressed between my legs. Like I said, Clarke was a snuggler. I bit my lip, trying to pull myself together.

“Clarke it's time to get up” I croaked.

“I don't wonna.” Clarke snuggled closer, her knee pressing even more firmly between my legs.

Oh god.

This time I was unable to stifle the gasp of pleasure. My eyes widened in horror as soon as I realized the sound I had made. Luckily Clarke was still half asleep and it appeared she hadn't noticed.

I needed to get some distance from Clarke before I did something inappropriate, like grinding against her knee, the way I desperately wanted too.

“Clarke you've got to move!!” I all but begged, hoping Clarke wouldn't notice the desperation in my voice.

“But I'm comfy,” she mumbled.

“I've gotta go to the bathroom!” I lied.

“Oh sorry.” She rolled off of me, eyes still closed.

I let out a shuddering breath, leaping from the bed like it was on fire. I headed straight to the bathroom, in desperate need of a cold shower. Despite the cool weather I had been having a lot of cold showers lately.

* * *

I sat at the lunch table, ignoring my salad. Instead I stared at Clarke and _that_ girl, who was sitting on Clarke's lap. I scowled as I watched the girl whisper something into Clarke's ear. Clarke smiled in response, but it wasn't a real smile. It didn't reach her eyes nor did it light up her face. Clarke looked across at me and mouthed 'sorry'. I just nodded and looked down, stabbing my lettuce with my fork, frowning as I sat alone. The only times I had ever sat alone were the few days Clarke had been sick and the week in elementary school, that we didn't speak, because we were fighting over who would dress as Hermione for Halloween.

When I was sure Clarke wasn't looking any more I glanced back up. Rolling my eyes at my own masochistic behavior. I couldn't help it. My eyes were drawn to her. Even though I was still mad at her for leaving me to sit alone. Lyndsey had insisted that Clarke sit with her and her friends. I thought Clarke was going to say no. I had expected her to say no. We always sat together. When she didn’t say no I nearly fell over in shock. She looked at my silently asking for permission. I had nodded my consent numbly.

I stabbed more at my salad, shooting daggers at the girl. I didn't understand why Clarke seemed so infatuated with her. Okay that's a lie. The girl was undeniably hot. Tall, leggy, tanned and captain of the cheer squad. But that is all she had going for her. She was a snob and a bitch. The girl looked at me with a smug expression on her face. She smirked at me and then leaned forward, placing open mouthed kisses on Clarke's neck. Clarke lolled her head to the side, exposing more of her neck, and tangled a hand in the girls hair. For once I looked away, glaring down at my lunch.

“Jeez what did your lunch do to you, Green?” I heard a familiar voice ask. Raven. The only person who actually new about my plight with Clarke, or that I even liked girls. Somehow my best friend was completely comfortable with everyone knowing she was bisexual, but I couldn't tell her I was gay.

Go figure. 

The time had just never been right. Before Clarke came out, I was afraid, worried about what people would think... and by people I mean Clarke. I was worried about losing my best friend, that if I told her, everything would change. And then one day while we were relaxing on her bed, she pulled the rug out from underneath me, by very casually mentioning how this super cute girl was totally flirting with her and she really wanted to ask her out. She had looked up at me with those big blue eyes, vulnerable yet hopeful. To stunned to really process what she was saying, I just nodded and told her to go for it. Missing the perfect opportunity to confess my own sexuality. I just couldn't get the words out. I desperately wanted to, but when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. 

I wasn't strong or brave like Clarke. I was weak. 

It has been so much easier before Clarke came out. It was so much easier to ignore my feelings when I thought Clarke was straight. But now, knowing made it hurt so much more. Knowing that I just wasn't her type of girl. 

So close yet so far. 

I looked from Raven towards Clarke and  _ that  _ girl and back down again. 

“Ah I get it now, the salad isn't who you'd like to be stabbing. Still pining over Blondie then? Raven questioned, dropping into the seat next to me. 

“I'm not pining,” I defended. Rather unconvincingly. 

“I totally get it, she's hot!” Raven smirked, picking at my lunch.

“I am not pining!” I snapped. Okay I was, but I wasn’t about to admit that. Raven already new to much. 

“Ookaaay, not pining, opposite of pining,” she said, eyes rolling. 

“I just don't like  _ that  _ girl,” I huffed. “She isn't good for Clarke.” 

“Why? Because she isn't you?” Raven prodded. Hitting the nail right on the head, and she knew it. 

“You know I regret ever talking to you.”

“Aw, I thought we were pals,” Raven said, bumping my shoulder with her own. “Gal pals,” she teased, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“Shut it!” I snapped again. 

“Aw don't be like that, I'm just teasing. You're so tense, you know I could help you with that, help you relive some tension, you know help you find your rel-”

“Raven!” I growled, cheeks burning. 

“Calm down, I'm just kidding, unless you ever actually want to, you know,” Raven said pretending to be nonchalant. 

The offer wasn't effecting me at all. Nope. There wasn't a familiar ache building between my legs. Okay maybe a little, I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I was so not going there again, nothing had changed since last time. 

“I'll pass” I said dryly. 

“Suit yourself, I'll just leave you to your 'not pining'” Raven said patting me on the shoulder and walking away. I glared at her as she left. I was definitely not watching the way her hips rolled from side to side as she swaggered away. 

I may be totally in love with Clarke, but I wasn't blind. Raven was attractive, scratch that, she was hot. My body remembered all to well how good her body felt. Wrong, but good. 

A few months ago Clarke dragged me to some party. After watching her grind against to many people and then disappearing upstairs with some guy, I found the alcohol. Raven found me. 

She had unabashedly flirted with me and in my slightly drunken and frustrated state, I flirted back. That's how I ended up on with her straddling my lap on some random couch, warm and willing. Our teeth clashing and hips grinding, her hand under my top, my hand tangled in her hair. It had been a welcome distraction, for once thoughts of Clarke had been pushed far from my mind. 

_ Raven's hand snaked it's way into my pants, teasing me softly through my underwear. My hips bucked up into her touch, my grip in her hair tightening. When she slipped her fingers past my underwear and actually touched me, my brain nearly short circuited. I pushed against her finger, gasping into her mouth.  _

“ _Someone’s eager,” she chuckled, moving to suck on my neck. She stroked me once more before slipping a lone finger inside of me._

“ _Raven, oh god!” I moaned embarrassingly._

“ _Shhh Lexa.” Raven's words snapped me back to reality, reminding me where we were. Sitting on someone's couch, where anyone could walk in. Oh god this was wrong! So wrong! With self control I hadn't known I possessed, I pulled away._

“ _Wait stop, I cant,” Raven did stop, she slid her hand from my pants, looking disappointed_

“ _It’s okay if you haven’t, you know before, we can go slow,” she offered, nibbling on my neck._

“ _No it's not that, well it is but I can't I...” I looked away, tears pooling in my eyes. Mother always said love was weakness. She was right. I was so weak for Clarke._

_Raven saw the tears in my eyes and, withdrew her hand from my pants and rolled off of me._

“ _ Dude sorry I didn't mean to pressure you or anything,” Raven  apologized , now sitting on the other side of the couch. I rubbed at my traitorous eyes.  _

“ _It's okay you didn't.” We sat in silence for a while longer, Raven sipping at a beer she had somehow ended up with._

“ _So girls aye?” Raven questioned. I just nodded. “You haven't told anyone, have you?” It was more of a statement than a question. I shook my head. “What about Clarke,you two are joined at the hip and isn't she like out and proud?” Raven prodded. I didn't know why I was talking to her._

“ _She doesn't know.” I mumbled, swallowing the lump in my throat._

“ _Why?”_

“ _I uh..” I stuttered. Because I'm in love with her! A voice in my head shouted._

“ _Oh... ohhhh, I get it your like totally in love with her or something” Raven joked,laughing as she sipped from the glass bottle. My flushed face and silence spoke volumes._

“ _Oh my god you are!!” You're in love with Clarke Griffin!” Raven exclaimed much to loudly, bouncing a little on the couch._

“ _Would you shut your trap before someone hears you!” I said grabbing the collar of her shirt. “I swear to all of the gods If you speak of this to anyone I will kill you in your sleep!” I growled through clenched teeth._

“ _Ooo getting rough, Raven likey,” Raven purred._

“ _Ugh your impossible! I am leaving now!” I stood on slightly shaky legs. “Clarke get your ass down here we are leaving!” I shouted up the stairs, ready to drag whatever guy was on her, off, so we could go._

_ Raven was still sitting on the couch making kissy noises when a bedraggled Clarke came down the stairs. I internally cringed at the red marks lining her neck and the way her top was incorrectly buttoned, obviously done in haste.  _

“ _What's going on?” Clarke asked looking slightly annoyed at being pulled away from her...activities._

“ _I don't feel well, I want to go,” I lied._

“ _Oh okay, lets go” She said, her face softening as she took my hand and led me out of the house._

I shuddered at the memories. Great now I needed another cold shower.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading, subscribing and commenting! Your comments really make my day!

 

Two weeks had passed since I had eaten lunch alone for the first time, I had eaten alone everyday since. Each day Clarke apologized and said I was welcome to sit with her and Lyndsey. Each day I declined, afraid that if I was that close to Lyndsey, I would actually strangle her. And each day Raven would pass me and pat me on the shoulder, sympathetically saying something like 'hang in there' or 'the offer still stands'. Clarke would send me apologetic looks the entire time.

Today was no different. I glumly picked through my salad, watching Clarke do the same. It somewhat satisfied me to see Clarke brushing off the attention of her girlfriend, even turning her head away when the girl tried to kiss her. But I also felt sad, sad to see Clarke's face void of her usual smile. We had still been hanging out after school each afternoon, but she hadn't been her normal self. She had been less vibrant, less Clarke. She had changed how she wore her hair (she used to always wear her blonde hair in braids, that I did for her. Not any more), she had even tried to throw out her favorite pair of pale pink skinny jeans. I found them shoved in a trash bag. When I questioned her about it she simply said that they were childish. When she wasn't looking I pulled the jeans from the trash bag and folded them up, hiding them with my clothes, in a totally not creepy way. One day she would want them back. I new exactly why she was changing, I knew who was changing her. I glared at _that_  girl, she was changing my Clarke, she was taking away my best friend and it was starting to make my blood boil!

All of a sudden, without even processing what I was doing. I abruptly stood, my chair scrapping loudly on the floor, causing a few curious heads to turn. I picked up my lunch tray. With my head held high I marched towards the table I’d been staring at every day, for two weeks. Lyndsey was the first to realize I was heading toward the table. Her eyes widened in realization, her face quickly hardened and she crossed her arms in challenge. I clenched my jaw, lifting my head even higher. 

Bring it on bitch.

If she wanted to be nasty to me, I'd encourage it, she could be as horrible as she wanted. But with Clarke sitting right there, I was sure she would be on her best behavior. She had to keep up appearances after all. When I had almost reached the table, Clarke looked up realizing what I was doing. Her face lit up in surprise, a smile tugging at her lips. The first genuine smile I’d seen in weeks.

That's my girl.

As I approached the table I could see room on the end of the bench, next to Clarke. That's probably where I should sit. But I felt like making an entrance. Go big or go home.

This girl needed to know who she was dealing with. I was done sitting on the sidelines. She wasn't going to get rid of me so easily. I was in Clarke's life long before her and I would be in it long after Clarke dropped her like the sack of potatoes she was.

In my baggy shirt and converse sneakers I may not be able to compete with her mini skirts and high heels. But I knew Clarke, I knew her story. I had been there when her father died, I held her when she relived his death each night in her dreams. I was her best friend.

Smirking at the surprised table of people, I firmly placed my lunch tray on the table between Lyndsey and Clarke, roughly pushing Lyndsey's tray to the side in the process. I then swung my legs over the bench and wiggled my way into the small space between my best friend and that girl.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Lyndsey gaping. Excellent, Excellent. My plan was working. I smiled at Clarke who also looked shocked but happy.

“So you gonna introduce me to your friends Clarke?” I asked, gesturing with my fork to the other three people on the opposite side of the table. Clarke looked at me for a moment longer, before finally talking.

“Ah this is Jasper, Monty and Octavia, guys, this is my best friend Lexa” Clarke introduced smiling happily.

“Hi Lexa it's great to meet you!” The boy, Monty, held out his hand in a friendly manner. I dropped my fork and took his hand, shaking it gently. He seemed sweet.

“Oh my gosh I love your hair! How do you do that?” The girl, Octavia gushed. “And your jacket is awesome!”.

“Thanks, I could show you some time” I offered politely. She seemed fiery. I liked it.

“That'd be great!!” She exclaimed excitedly.

“I'm Jasper, and you my lady are gorgeous!” The boy with the scruffy hair sitting next to Monty said, wiggling his eyebrows. No. Just no. Clarke, Octavia and Monty burst out laughing at Jasper's lame attempt at flirting.   
  
"She is way out of your league” Monty teased nudging Jasper playfully. Well he wasn't wrong...

“So Lexa have you got a boyfriend or anything?” Lyndsey asked looking at me pointedly, as if she knew that I definitely didn't have a boyfriend. She would give proclone Rachel a run for her money in the supervillian department.

“No I do not have a boyfriend.” I answered dryly. Internally rolling my eyes. Tying to resist the urge to plunge my fork in her eye. It was no pencil but it'd have the desired effect.

“Oh, I know a few guys I could set you up with!” Lyndsey's smile reminded me of a snake. I wanted to smack it from her face. Breathe Lexa, just breathe.

“No thank you.” I declined, biting my tongue. I turned from Lyndsey to face Clarke. She looked beautiful today. “I'm really looking forward to hanging out tonight” I threw an arm around Clarke's shoulder and Clarke rested her head on mine for a moment.

“Me too!” She said smiling up at me. Angel.

“You know Lexa if boys aren't your thing I know a few girls who might be interested” Lyndsey offered, her voice sickly sweet. It was going to give me a cavity. She really was an evil troll. My stomach dropped at her words and my eyes momentarily widened in surprise before I quickly schooled my features. She knew, she definitely knew. I wasn't going to let her bait me.

“That is lovely of you Lyndsey but I would prefer to focus on my studies for now” I said as politely as I could.

The rest of lunch passed quickly, without incident. Lyndsey seethed quietly for most of the time. I watched Clarke as she talked animatedly with everyone. She regularly glanced back at me with a giddy expression.

When the siren rang signalling the end of lunch, I stood and gathered Clarke's empty try and mine and moved towards the front of the cafeteria to return them. I smiled to myself, pleased with how well it had gone. I was done sharing my best friend with that girl.

Speak of the devil. When I turned around to walk back to Clarke, Lyndsey was standing behind me. Looking pissed. Great.

“It was so nice of you to sit with us” She said batting her eyelashes, cocking her head to the side, about to say something else. Before she could, I stepped closer towards her. My hands balling into tight fists. Don't hit her, don't hit her I repeated to myself. It was taking all my self control.

“Clarke may like you, but I see right through you and one day she will too” I stated. She stepped closer, her sweet smile disappearing, her trademark smirk replacing it.

“Oh Lexa I see right through you too. I know you're in love with her.” I tensed at her words. Did everyone freakin know?!? “I see the way you look at her, but she will never want you.” My jaw hurt at how tightly I was clenching it. She leaned forward to whisper her next words in my ear.

“She screams my name when I fuck her, not yours, she claws at my back when I make her come with my fingers and my tongue, and she tastes so good” She purred the vulgar words, my stomach heaved. I was ready to slam her into the wall and wipe the smirk permanently from her face. Before I could , I saw Clarke walking towards us.

“Everything alright?” She questioned, looking from me to Lyndsey and back again.

“Oh everything is fine Babe, Lexa and I were just bonding” She said, skipping over to Clarke, wrapping an arm around her and kissing her on the cheek a hand trailing down her side and disappearing under Clarke's top. I wanted to be sick.

“I'll see you later Clarke.” I managed to say before turning and hurrying away. Okay maybe my plan had back fired a little.

* * *

The only thing that got me through the rest of the school day was knowing that it was Friday. Every Friday afternoon Clarke and I would go to our favorite place in the world. It was a spot not far from her house. It was a place where people would often go camping. We would follow the dirt path that led to a clearing in the forest that overlooked a valley, in spring the valley was full of wild flowers. We would sit on fallen logs, gazing up at the sky, talking and laughing. It was always perfect.

We used to visit it regularly with Clarke's family, until her father died. Now it was just Clarke and I.

After school I walked to Clarke's house, a spring in my step. Excited to spend some much needed alone time with my best friend. I let myself into Clarke's house with my key, knowing she wouldn't be home just yet, she had an elective art class on a Friday afternoon.

I started making some sandwiches and snacks for us to take, like I did every Friday. When I had out picnic basket packed, I gathered our coats and blankets to take.

Still no Clarke. Thinking she was just running late I pulled out my English binder and tried to concentrate on the essay I had due the following week. My thoughts continued to stray, to Clarke so I slammed the binder closed, shoving it roughly back in my backpack.

Instead I gathered our picnic items, pulling on one of the coats and moved outside to sit on the top step of the porch. I pulled my phone from my pocket, dialing Clarke's number, it went straight to voicemail.

“Where are you Clarke?” I mumbled to myself. Where was she? Had she forgotten? No something must have come up. Clarke would never forget. I sat on the steps waiting,my hopes lowering with the setting sun. I willed myself to get up, to leave, to have some dignity I didn't. I just sat on the steps in the dark. I waited and waited, shivering in the cold.

My masochistic mind played Lyndsey's words over and over. I tried not to imagine Clarke's body writhing under Lyndsey's, reacting to her touch. It was wrong. So wrong. Clarke didn't belong with her, she belonged with me, but I was to pathetic to tell her. To weak. Raven was right. I was pinning . I was a fool to ever think Clarke could be interested in me.

It had been long dark when Clarke's car pulled into the driveway. I still sat on the porch, head resting against the railing.

“Lexa?” Clarke questioned as she stepped out of her car.

“What are you doing out here?”

“It's Friday night Clarke, I was waiting for you.” I was always waiting for her. I glanced down sadly at the stupid picnic basket with our stupid sandwiches in it.

“Shit, Lex, I'm so sorry! I completely forgot!”

“It's okay,” I lied. It wasn't. I was hurt. Hurt that after ten years over friendship I was that easily forgotten.

“I'm sorry it's just Lyndsey wanted me to watch her cheer-leading thing tonight.” I looked up at Clarke upon hearing that girl's name My blood boiled. I stood abruptly. Okay maybe I wasn't ready to forgive and forget.

“You ditched me for her??” I spat. “I thought you just got caught up painting or something!” I crossed my arms, my lips curling in disgust. Clarke's face was full of surprise at my outburst.

“I'm sorry Lexa, she's my girlfriend, I couldn't say no!” Clarke defended.

“You could have at least told me! Instead of letting me sit here like some idiot waiting for you to come home!”

“I'm sorry Lexa!”

“Whatever Clarke!” I turned away storming into the house, I could hear Clarke following me, calling my name as I made my way to her bedroom. I began grabbing my things, shoving them into my already full backpack.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked, frowning

“I'm going home!” I growled, pushing past her to grab my hairbrush from her dresser.

“Lexa calm down, I'm sorry, you're overreacting!” Clarke exclaimed in frustration. What? I was overreacting? No I think I had been under-reacting for far to long. I whirled around angrily, Clarke took a step back.

“No! I am sick of it! I'm sick of you ditching me for her, and expecting me to be sitting here waiting for you! You don't get to do that! I'm supposed to be your best friend! Not a toy! You can't just shove me away when you don't need me and expect me to be here waiting for you! Okay bad analogy but I was furious. The last two weeks of being brushed to the side catching up with me.

“I'm not doing that!” Clarke shouted back. Okay I hadn’t realized I'd been yelling.

“Yes you are! We have sat together everyday since preschool, even when you were dating Finn! And now you just leave me to sit with  _her_! I snarled, not even able to say her name at this point.

“You said it was okay!” Clarke yelled back, her cheeks flushing pink.

“Yeah for one day! I didn't think it was going to be a permanent change!”

“You should have said something!”

“I shouldn't have too!” I could see tears starting to well in Clarke's eyes, for once they didn't effect me. I flung my heavy bag onto my back, storming from her room and marching down the stairs. Clarke following.

“You're acting like a child Lexa!” She called after me.

“Well I'm sorry I'm not as mature as you and Lyndsey are!” I seethed. “I hope you have a great life together!” I stormed from the house.

“Go to hell!” Clarke shouted after me.

“You too!” I yelled, stomping down the road to my own house, tears burning my eyes and blurring my vision. Okay maybe I had been a little harsh. But I was sick of being treated like crap. The further I got from Clarke's house the worse I felt. The image of Clarke's teary face and her words echoing through my mind. No she had been in the wrong! I wasn't going to feel guilty or apologies for getting justifiably upset.

I burst into my house, slamming the door behind me, I hadn't been home in weeks. Nothing had changed, it was still empty and dreary. It didn't even feel like home any more, it hadn't for years. I ignored my mother as she called out to me, hurrying to the sanctuary of my room.

I threw myself onto my bed, finally letting the tears I had been holding back, spill out. Through blurry eyes I fumbled with my ipod until music began blaring from stereo. Only then did I let loud sobs wrack my body.

* * *

I blinked my eyes open, squinting at the bright sunshine streaming in through my thin curtains. My stereo still blasting music from the night before.

“Ugh,” I groaned running my hands over my face, my eyes were puffy from crying and my head was pounding. I closed my eyes again, listening to the music playing.

_She's blood, flesh and bone_ __  
_She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound_ __  
  
_But somehow I can't believe_ __  
_That anything should happen_ __  
_I know where I belong_ __  
_And nothing's gonna happen_ __  
_Yeah, yeah_ __  
  
_'Cause she's so high..._ __  
_High above me, she's so lovely_ __  
_She's so high..._ __  
_Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite_ __  
_She's so high..._ __  
_High above me No tucks or silicone_ __  
  
  
“Ugh No!” I groaned again, slamming my hand onto the stereo to stop the song playing. It reminded me to much of Clarke. It was a song I had listened to many times with her in mind, yeah okay I had been pining for a long time.

Rolling over I grabbed my phone. Four missed calls, three messages and one voicemail, all from Clarke. I ignored the text messages and swiped to listen to the voicemail.

“Hi... Lexa, I know I shouldn't call but we've never really had a fight and I..” Her voice broke off, heavy with emotion, I could tell she was trying not to cry. “Remember in that episode of Gilmore Girls when Lorealai and Luke breakup after fighting and Lorelai calls him and says she needs her best friend? Well i'm not doing so good, I need my best friend. Could you please... could you come over?” Her voice was shaky and unfamiliar.

My heart sank in my chest. I felt horrible for walking away. I checked the time of the voicemail. 11pm.

Crap. She is going to think I abandoned her and don't care. I was still furious at her, but I was her best friend and she needed me. I still couldn't deny her anything.

I leaped from the bed, still in my clothes from the night before, I yanked a hoodie over my head, slipping my phone into the baggy pocket. I rushed down the stairs and out the door, again ignoring my Mother as she called out to me.

My legs carried me quickly to Clarke's house, taking the short cut through the Henderson's garden.

I felt horrible.

I had blown it all out of proportion. I had let my feelings make me weak. Clarke was allowed to hang out with Lyndsey, I'd just have to get use to it, or risk losing her forever.

I made it to her house in record time. I let myself in. The house was quiet. I silently made my way down the familiar hall to Clarke's bedroom. I knocked on the door softly, not waiting for a response I pushed it open.

“Clarke?” I called into the semi dark room.

“Lexa?” Clarke sat up, holding the sheet around her bare chest. My mind was struggling to process what I was seeing.

Lyndsey.

In bed.

With Clarke.

_Naked._

I stared blankly my mouth wide, unable to avert my eyes.

“What are you doing here?!?” Clarke asked, looking pissed.

“Oh hello Lexa” Lyndsey smirked, not bothering to cover her naked body.

“I..I... got your voicemail and I..” I had never been so lost for words in all my life. I knew Clarke and Lyndsey were sleeping together, but knowing was very different to seeing. Seeing that girl naked with Clarke, in a bed that felt more like mine than my own bed did.

“Well i'ts a little late!” Clarke snapped. I wanted to think of something witty to say, but- nothing. Instead a just fled.

Fled from the her room, fled from the house.

Angry tears making their way down my cheeks as I ran. When I was halfway down the road I stopped.

I pulled my phone from my pocket. Searching for a number I had never used. I stared at the number. Was I going to do it?  _Could_ I do it? Lyndsey's smirking face flashed in my mind again and that was enough to to make me hit call.

“ _Hello??”_  A sleepy voice answered after several rings.

“Raven? It's Lexa. Does your offer still stand?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no Lexa what are you doing?  
> I'll try not to keep you waiting for to long for the next chapter ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! Thank you to everyone who commented I am blown away by the response!!  
> Thank you for waiting patiently for this chapter! Sorry it took a little longer than I expected.  
> Shout out to guysinvnecks for being amazing.  
> Enjoy!

 

“Raven, its Lexa. Does your offer still stand?”

“Lexa? What?” She asked voice heavy with sleep.

“Your offer, to ah help me release some... ah tension...” I asked awkwardly.

“Oh, _ohh,_ that offer, yeah sure, totally.” She sounded eager.

“Good, are you free now?” If I didn't do this soon I was going to change my mind.

“Now?! Yeah sure, my Dad's out of town so you can come over whenever, if you want.”

“Okay text me your address, I'll see you soon.”

“Okay see ya soon gal pal,” She teased. I hung up without responding.

An hour later, after going home to freshen up I stood outside of Raven's house, psyching myself up to ring the door bell. I finally pressed the buzzer. Clarke didn't want me, but Raven did. I wasn't doing anything wrong.

A moment later the door swung open, revealing Raven. She was barefoot, dressed in a low cut tank top and tight short, shorts. Little was left to the imagination.

“Hey, someone's eager.” She said cocking her head to the side, a cheeky grin on her face. Her eyes trailed down my body and back up again, making me shiver with the intensity of her gaze. We both knew what I was here for.

I stepped into the house, looking around briefly.

I heard the door close. I felt Raven step closer. I could feel the heat radiating from her body, her warm breath on my neck. A hand snaked around my waist coming to rest low on my stomach. She pulled me back until I could feel her breasts firmly pressed against me. She dropped a kiss to my neck, reflexively I tilted my head to the side, she placed a second and third kiss on my neck, her tongue flickering out and her teeth gently grazing my skin. God it felt good.

Her hand skimmed the waist band of my sweat pants, teasing me before trailing under my cotton top, coming to rest on my breast, she squeezed softly and sucked on my neck hard enough to definitely leave a mark.

Without thought I turned in her arms and surged forward, pushing her with me, until her back hit the wooden door, the sound echoing through the quiet house. Raven squeaked in surprise her cheeks were flushed, her eyes wide in excitement. With little hesitation I joined our lips in a heated kiss, sucking her plump lower lip between mine and biting it gently. Her soft moan in response sending a shiver through my body. I didn't wait for permission before quickly deepening the kiss and invading her mouth with my tongue. The hand that had found its way into my hair tightened, pulling me even closer, her nails scraping lightly against my scalp.

“Not.” Kiss. “That.” Kiss. “I'm” Kiss. “Complaining.” Kiss. “But what.” Kiss “brought this.” Kiss “On,” Raven questioned in between sloppy kisses. She pulled away to look at me, her dark brown eyes heavily dilated. “I'd like to know who to send the thank you card too”. Kiss.

“I don't want to talk about it” I mumbled, reconnecting our lips roughly. I didn't want to think about Clarke and I definitely didn't want to talk about Clarke.

“Works for me”. She mumbled against my lips. I ran my hands down from their position on her waist, to her lower hips, I nudged her legs apart with my knee until I was able to slip my thigh between them, pressing firmly, I could already feel the heat radiating from her.

“Oh god” She let her head thump loudly against the door and bucked her hips in response, grinding against my thigh. I slipped my hands lower to cup her firm butt as I kissed down her neck, sucking and nibbling, very aware that I was marking bronze tan skin.

“Wrap your legs around me” I purred, letting my tongue flick over the shell of her ear, she shivered and looped her other arm around my neck. Somehow using the support of the door I managed to lift her, she did as I told, wrapping her legs around me. I continued to kiss down her throat, dropping kisses lower and lower, as she rocked against me, legs tightening.

“Where's your bedroom?” I said in between moving my tongue and lips over her collar bone.

“Down...ahh the hall.. first door..left” She gasped out.

With one hand supporting her back and the other one under her ass, I carried her towards her room, grateful that it wasn't upstairs, my legs were already trembling with anticipation. Keep it together Lexa.

After some awkward stumbling we made it to her room, I dropped her gently onto her bed, reconnecting our mouths in another searing kiss. Raven shuffled back wards up the bed, her hand grabbed the front of my shirt, pulling me with her, our lips still fused together as I followed. When she was finally comfortably propped up against a few pillows I straddled her lap, just like she had done to me at the party all that time ago. She rested her hands on my hips, needing my skin gently as our tongues battled for dominance.

I needed more of her skin against mine, I needed to feel it, I needed to taste it. My fingers played with the bottom of her top, I pulled my lips from hers so I could look at her, asking silently for permission.

She nodded, she looked incredible, skin flushed and lips swollen.

In one swift motion I pulled her top over her head, carelessly tossing it aside. My gaze dropped to take in her newly exposed skin. She was different to Clarke. Clarke's skin was pale and soft, Raven's skin was a golden tan color, she was more muscular and firmer. I reached around her back undoing the clasp of her bra, only fiddling with it for a moment. I watched as it dropped from her body, revealing her breasts. I couldn't help the goofy smile on my face as I took her in.

We kissed again, feverishly, I experimental ran my hands over her bare breasts, feeling their weight, trying not to fantasize how Clarke's fuller breasts would feel in my hands. I trailed kisses down her chest, enjoying Raven's moan as a drew a nipple into my mouth, sucking gently.

Kissing down her body until I came to the top of her shorts, I danced my fingers over the taught skin above, enjoying the way it rippled in response. For the first time I let my fingers lightly run over her center. I looked up at her in surprise when I could already feel a dampness through the thin material of her shorts.

“take them off pleeease!”

Smiling up at her, driven by her eagerness, I finally pulled her shots down her long legs. I was surprised to see her bare in front of me, no underwear.

My brain nearly short circuited.

For the first time I felt my confidence waiver. My lack of experience making me nervous. I was surprised I'd kept it together for this long.

“Now who seems eager?” I teased, trying to sound confident.

“Ugh stop being a tease and touch me!” She whined.

I reached out towards her heat, but my hand hesitated, shacking slightly.

“I.. I haven't … before” I admitted, blushing which was stupid considering my current position.

“It's okay, I know.” Raven took my hand in hers, opening her legs even wider. She guided my fingers until I was actually touching her. She was soft and wet, so very wet. I shuddered, unable to stop my self wondering how touching Clarke would feel...

No Lexa. Bad Lexa. I needed to concentrate on who was in front of me, on who actually wanted me to touch them. Raven guided me to stroke her firmly a few times and then focused her attention on her swollen clit, starting with slow circles that became faster and more erratic as her hips bucked against my hand. I watched out hands work together, enjoying the new sight and sensation. And NOT imagining Raven was Clarke, not at all...

“I need you inside of me” She groaned in between heavy breaths. Her plea made my own arousal grow, throbbing more than it already was. I paused again unsure.

“Ah, Lexa, please, come on!” Raven took my other hand pushing it towards her entrance.

“Two!” she ordered. I gulped, breath hitching as I watched my fingers disappear inside of her, guided by her hand. She started rocking against my hand, encouraging me to thrust my fingers the way she liked.

“Keep going! I'm so close!”With one last thrust I watched in awe as I felt her walls flutter around my fingers as she came, with a not so quiet keening sound. I tried not to imagine what Clarke would look and sound like coming around my fingers.

When she had come down from her high I slipped my fingers from inside her, marveling at the wetness coating them.

“Not bad for your first time Green, not bad at all,” Raven mumbled a lazy smile on her face.

I looked back down at my covered fingers and back up, Raven was watching me curiously, through heavy eye lids. Keeping our eyes locked I lifted my fingers to my mouth, I tentatively ran my tongue over them. I was pleasantly surprised by the taste. I wonder what Clarke would taste like?

My wandering thoughts were interrupted by Raven pulling me up towards her, by my shirt.

“That was hot,” she said with a smirk before flipping our positions so I was pinned under her very naked body.

“You're wearing far to many clothes for what I have planned” Raven grinned as she slipped her hands under my top, pulling it from my and body tossing it aside.

 

* * *

I lay naked on Raven's bed sweat covering my face and abdomen, Raven between my spread legs her fingers and tongue busy at work.

“Oh god!” I gasped. “Ugh I'm so close!” I panted.

“That's what you said ten minutes ago!” Raven huffed, slightly frustrated but not nearly as frustrated as me.

“I know I know!” I sighed in frustration. I just couldn't let go.

“I'm doing some of my best work here.”

“It's good, so good but ugh I.. just... can't.” It was Clarke's fault, all Clarke's fault!. “She's in my freakin head dammit!” I exclaimed, slamming a hand down on the bed next to me. She wasn't even here and she was screwing this up for me!

“Clarke?” Raven asked pulling her head back from between my legs and looking up at me.

“Yes Clarke! It's her fault! I can't stop thinking about her!” I nearly sobbed in frustration, my entire body begging for the release it was not being granted.

Raven's lips curled up in a wicked grin, her eyes gleaming.

“Clarke aye?” She questioned. “So if it was Clarke between your legs, touching you, stroking you, would that help?” She asked, gently running her fingers through my wetness. Her touch combined with her words sending an electric shock through my body. “So responsive already” Raven mused. “If it was Clarke pushing her fingers into you, thrusting, her blonde hair tickling your thighs as she sucked and licked at your clit as her fingers fucked you.” Raven continued her actions as she spoke. I rocked against her faster and harder in response.

“Yessss” I hissed feeling closer then ever before, my eyes closing tightly as I imagined just what Raven was saying

“Imagine Clarke adding a second finger, her soft pink lips nibbling as you push against her face and hand, your legs tightening and trapping her head between them.

“ _Claaarke”_ I called out as the tightly coiled spring in my belly finally exploded. Stars danced around my mind as my body shuddered.

A few minutes later I opened my eyes, still panting, trying to catch my breath. Raven was laying next to me, smirking.

“So that just happened...” Raven chuckled

“Oh god!” I exclaimed, I buried my face in my sweaty hands, hiding in embarrassment. “I'm so sorry.” I may not have had a lot of practice in the sex department but even I knew you weren’t supposed to call out another girl's name as you came. Kill me.

“Nah it's all good, we all have our kinks,” Raven teased. I swatted her with a pillow. Just like that the awkward tension disappeared and we dissolved into giggles, laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

 

* * *

 

The weeks slowly past and I fell into a new routine. I hadn't really seen or spoken to Clarke since our fight, save for long glances, as we passed each other in the halls or the tension filled biology classes. Only exchanging words if we had too.

Now at lunch I sat with Raven and most afternoons I went to her house instead of Clarke's. We weren't exactly dating, I guess you would call it 'friends with benefits'. She was a welcome distraction. I was content, not exactly happy, but I was surviving.

I missed my best friend, every fiber of my being missed her. She still dominated my thoughts day and night. I wanted to go to her, to talk to her, but the more time that past, the harder it seemed. She was still with Lyndsey. Each day I would see them all over each other. It was soul crushing.

“You should just go talk to her,” Raven said for what felt like the 100th time. “It's obvious you miss her, and she misses you too.”

“How do you know?” I asked skeptically. If she missed me so much she was doing a good job of hiding it.

“Because I see the way she looks at you all damn day,” Raven huffed. But I didn't go and talk to her. I was too stubborn, and so was she.

It wasn't until Biology class the following Monday morning that anything changed. She arrived to class, uncharacteristically late. Her eyes were puffy and cheeks pinker than normal. She stomped towards out shared table taking a seat next to me, sniffling and rubbing at her swollen eyes.

“You okay?” I asked, concern making me forget that we weren't talking.

“Like you care. You're to busy with your new best friend.” She snapped, turning away from me and letting her hair fall in front of her face, like a curtain, so she didn't have to look at me. It stung.

“I do care Clarke.” I answered earnestly, my voice just above a whisper. Her blue watery eyes met mine.

“It's April 17th today,” She spoke softly, looking away from me again.

It only dawned on me then. April 17th. It was five years today since Clarke's Father was killed. Ho did I forget? I hesitantly reached for her hand, expecting her to pull away. She didn't. I took it in mine, holding it under the table, running my thumb soothingly over her soft skin. God I'd missed touching her.

“I'm sorry.”

“I'm sorry too Lexa. I was a bitch.”

“You were, but I forgive you,” I smiled, squeezing her hand softly.

Just like that our fight was over and I had my best friend back. We slowly found a new rhythm. It wasn't the same as before but it was still good. We spent time together and time apart. When she was with Lyndsey I would hang with Raven. I was happy to have my best friend back.

It was an oddly sunny Saturday afternoon. We were sitting on her porch eating ice cream. We'd spent the day wandering through town window shopping and laughing. Clarke even wore her pink skinny jeans. Everything felt right, how it should be. Easy and carefree.

Clarke was happily chatting away. I was trying to focus on what she was saying and not on the way her tongue licked at the ice cream. I wasn't succeeding.

“Earth to Lexa??” The hand waving in front of my face caught my attention.

“Oh sorry, spaced out” I shook the inappropriate thoughts of her tongue running along other things, from my head.

“It's okay. I was just saying that the local art house, you know the one down the road? They are showing some of my art work next Friday night!” She said,a wide smile on her face.

“Wow Clarke that's awesome!!” I enthused happily. Not surprised at all, her art was amazing.

“Yeah I cant believe it!”

“I'm so happy for you! You deserve it!”

“Thanks! So do you think you'll come?” She asked looking hopeful.

“Of course! I wouldn't miss it for the world!”

“Yay!...” She paused. “Lyndsey's coming too...”

“Oh,” I couldn't hide the disappointment in my voice. “Okay”

“Is that cool” She checked, looking worried.

“Yeah of course! She's your girlfriend.” I visibly cringed at the word.

We finished our ice creams in silence. My previous happy mood dampened at the mention of _that_ girl.

“Can I ask you a question?” Clarke asked cautiously.

“Of course.” I tensed in anticipation, wondering what she was going to ask.

“Why don't you like Lyndsey?”

“I do!” I answered far to quickly. Clarke just gave me a 'I don't believe you' look.

“I just don't think she is good for you Clarke” I said honestly, looking Clarke in the eye. The anger in her eyes surprising me.

“Why? Is it because she's a girl? Is that your problem Lexa?” She snapped crossing her arms defensively. No that definitely wasn't the problem!

“No! I don't care that she is a girl Clarke,” I sighed.

“Is that why you have pulled away? Is that why you won't share a bed with me any more? I expected more from you Lexa!” She accused, face scrunching up in disgust. I was confused. One moment we were happily eating ice cream and the next she was royally pissed at me.

“No Clarke! Come on you know me better than that!” She rolled her eyes and stood up moving to walk away. I followed grabbing her arm to stop her.

“Let me go!” She said tugging her arm free from my hand and continuing to leave.

“Clarke I really don't care that you like girls! It would be a little hypocritical off me if I did!!” Oh god did I just say that...

She stopped in her tracks and turned around to look at me.

“What do you mean it would be hypocritical of you?” She asked looking confused.

“Oh my god Clarke I am gay! So gay! I don't care at all that you like women, I get it!!” I said before I even realized. Clarke's mouth opened and closed nothing coming out. My blood rushing echoed loudly in my ears at finally admitting the thing I had been hiding from her for so long.

“You're, you're gay?” She eventually asked whispered, still shocked. “Why didn't you tell me?” Ok now she looked hurt.

“God I didn't tell you because I didn't know how! I've been in love with you for so long!” Oh my god shut up shut up what are you doing?? “but I missed my opportunity because I was to much of a coward! You belong with me, not her! But I never told you and now you're in love with her and I...I couldn’t do it any more, I couldn't sleep next to you every night, knowing you've been with that girl! It's killing me Clarke! That's why I’ve been pulling away!” I couldn’t see Clarke clearly, my vision too blurred with tears, my whole body shacking, chest heaving. But I could see her moving closer to me, her expression for once unreadable.

“I don't love Lyndsey” She said hair voice deep and raspy. “I've only ever loved one person.”

“Finn?” A questioned. My mind reeling too much from my confession to really process what she was saying. “No Lexa, I didn't love Finn, I thought I did, But I didn't.” She stepped even closer again until she was right in front of me, our feet almost touching.

“Then who?” I croaked out, my voice foreign to my ears,heart hammering in my chest.

“You Lexa, it's always been you.”

“But, Finn...Lyndsey?” What was she talking about?

“Lexa, I thought you were straight! I didn't think you would ever want me back so I tried to move on. It didn't work” Everything was spinning, nothing made sense any more. Clarke thought I didn't want her? There is nothing I wanted more.

She stepped forward hands reaching out to me. I stepped backwards, not understanding what she was doing.

“What are you doing?” I questioned, my eyes wide.

“Would you just stand still” She ordered. I froze. Her hand wrapped around my back and she pulled me flush to her body. Before I could process what was happening her lips were on mine. Oh god she was kissing me, Clarke Griffin was actually kissing me! Her lips moved softly, tentatively against mine, waiting for me to respond.

Finally I did. I brought my hand to her face, cupping her cheek softly, my other hand snaking around her back. I delicately flicked my tongue out, running it over her lips. She parted them in invitation. I didn't hesitate. It's better than anything I could ever have imagined. She tasted sweet, like vanilla, from the ice cream.. When air became necessary we both pulled back. She stepped back. Her lips bright pink and her eyes dark, chest heaving. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I had to kiss her again, make sure that it wasn't a dream.

I stepped closer to her again, this time she was the one to move back

“What are you doing?” She asked, eyes wide, searching mine.

“Would you just stand still” I repeated her words back at her, smiling. This time she was the one to freeze. I cupped her cheek again, still smiling as I brought our lips back together. One of Clarke's hands found it's way to rest on my throat, I could feel her nails scrape against my skin as she gently stroked my throat, something I didn't know I needed until now. Her other hand buried itself in my hair, tugging slightly on my curls. I pulled our hips closer together as I deepened the kiss. I didn't realize I had slipped a leg between hers until I heard her moan as she pushed against my knee. I pulled back breathing deeply, I brushed my nose against hers, waiting for her to open her eyes.

“What does this mean?” She asked when she finally opened her eyes. I took both her hands in mine, lacing our fingers together.

“It means that you're mine and I'm yours.” I answered boldly, for once saying what I wanted to.

“I should probably break up with Lyndsey then.” She smirked.

“Yeah, I don't think I'd be happy with sharing you, especially with her. I shuddered at the thought.

_Lord Almighty,_  
 _I feel my temperature rising_  
 _Higher higher_  
 _It's burning through to my soul_  
 _Girl, girl, girl, girl_  
 _You gonna set me on fire_  
 _My brain is flaming_  
 _I don't know which way to go_  
  
_Your kisses lift me higher_  
 _Like the sweet song of a choir_  
 _You light my morning sky_  
 _With burning love_

 

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo that happened....  
> I hope it met everyone's expectations! Kudos to anyone who gets the Gilmore Girls reference in this chapter! (I couldn't help myself I am such trash)  
> Please let me know what you think! I had a blast writing this chapter!  
> As you can see I will be doing another chapter! It will probably be an epilogue of sorts. Don't expect it for a while as I am going into exams so actually have to start studying (blehhh I know).  
> Hit me up on tumblr @ whatamithegeekmonkey


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end in the beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this took so long! I hope its an alright ending :)

_Epilogue_

"Okay that's the last of the boxes from Bellamy's truck"I huffed dropping it down in the entry way, my back aching, my arms tired. I groaned as I looked around our new apartment, it was a mess. Boxes stacked everywhere, random furniture cluttering the area, who knew we had so much junk?

"Okay cool," Clarke hummed, sprawled out on our new couch, that was positioned randomly in the middle of the living room.

"Come on Clarke we have so much to do! The place is a mess! We need to unpack, I can't find my charger, and we haven't even finished putting the bed together or making it! And I don't know what boxes the kitchen stuff is in and we need to make... ouch mother effer!." My ranting was cut short as I tripped on a box and stubbed my toe on a coffee table. "Ugh oh my god I cant even move around because of all this crap everywhere! We are never moving again! We are staying in this apartment until we move to a retirement home!" I rambled, madly moving from one box to another.

Who's idea was it to move? It was a bad Idea and I had been regretting it ever sine the packing process, after only two years in an apartment with Raven and Octavia I couldn't believe how much stuff we had managed to acquire and hoard, we must have had like 30 text books between us. Clarke insisted on keeping all of her text books just in case she needed them at some point

"Lexa!"

"Why didn't we label these freaking boxes!" I scattered the contents of one box all over the floor, searching through it.

"Lexa!"

"I think we are missing a box!"

"Lexa! Come on!" I felt Clarke's soft hand wrap around my tired arm, she pulled me to my feet and began dragging me from the apartment.

"Clarke what are you doing?! Clarke where are we going?!" I protested as she yanked me out of the apartment and into the hall, closing the front door behind us. "Clarke what the hell?" I frowned , we so didn't have time for whatever Clarke was up to!

"You need to relax Lexa!"

"Clarke, there is so much to do why are we standing out in the hall?"

"You need a do over!"

"A what?" I stared at her blankly.

"A do over," She took both my hands in her's, squeezing them lightly. "We have just moved into our first apartment together and you're not enjoying it, this is supposed to be special and you're missing the moment, you've been freaking out all day." She rubbed my arm softly, trying to soothe me. When we were younger if Clarke just looked at me my stomach would flip with butterflies, and when she touched me it felt like my heart was going to beat right from my chest, not now. Now, seeing her made me breathe easy, her touch calmed me and her kisses made me feel safe.  __  
  
"You're right, you're right sorry," I sighed letting out a long breath. "The boxes can wait," I conceded

"That's my girl" She kissed me softly and smiled up at me. "Come on let's go home to  _our_ apartment"

"Yeah, let's go home"As I smiled down at her, I knew I was already home.

We walked back into the apartment and this time I took the opportunity to really appreciate where we were, how far we had come. It was official, we were now living together, alone, in our own apartment. The combination of our belongings scattered through the house made me smile. This was our home, our new couch may only be new to us and our cutlery set was less of a set and more a combination of things family and friends could spare, but it was ours, and that's all that mattered.

"Thanks for putting me in the moment," I squeezed her hand.

"Anytime."

That night as I kissed my way down her body, my hands tracing patterns along her familiar curves, licking and sucking tender skin, reveling in the breathy gasps leaving Clarke's mouth, her hands tangled tightly in my hair, we were anything but quiet. We definitely enjoyed the new freedom of having the apartment all to ourselves, no Raven or Octavia to come bursting in or complain about the noise.

The next day we were free on the kitchen bench, the couch and the dining table too.

* * *

"Oh Clarke is that you?" A sickly sweet voice interrupted Clarke and I, as we planned our weekend trip home, we had both taken the day off to pack and thought it would be nice to grab breakfast at our favorite coffee shop. I was already regretting our outing, as I saw who the voice belonged to, my lip curled in disgust and I had to hold back a snarl. What was she doing here?

'Lyndsey?" Clarke asked in surprise, her eyes flicking to me, already looking apologetic.

"Yes! How are you Clarke?" she spoke with an accent I didn't remember her having as she leaned forward, kissing Clarke on each cheek. I could vomit. "Long time no see!" Lyndsey laughed, tossing her hair to the side. She looked different and not in the 'matured' way, her boobs looked at least two cup sizes bigger and I suspected the surprised look on her face was permanent.

"It's good to see you." I didn't miss the sarcasm in Clarke's voice. "You remember Lexa," Clarke spoke sweetly, gesturing towards me, Lyndsey barley acknowledged my presence, nodding curtly, lips pursed, before turning all her attention back to Clarke.

I couldn't hide my smile as I recalled one of my fondest memories, Clarke breaking up with Lyndsey in front of the entire school in the cafeteria. To Clarke's credit she had tried to do it in a more dignified manner but Lyndsey just hadn't taken the hint. Clarke all but shouted 'We aren't together anymore Lyndsey, I'm with Lexa!'

"How have you been Clarke, what are you doing with yourself these days?" Lyndsey questioned, still ignoring me.

"Oh you know, just finishing med school, oh and Lexa and I moved in to our own apartment a few weeks ago." Clarke smiled proudly back at me, squeezing my hand under the table.

"Oh lovely! I've just gotten engaged myself!" Lyndsey beamed, holding out her hand for Clarke to see, the to large, tacky ring flashing in the morning sun.

"Oh.. wow, who's the lucky girl?"

"Oh no his name is Jeremy, that was just a phase, I grew up," she emphasized looking between the two of us. "Anyway, best be off, was wonderful seeing you, bye!" She left, waving, blowing Clarke a kiss. Ew.

"Oh my god, what a bitch," Clarke huffed out as soon as she was gone. "Just a phase my ass! No one goes down on another girl with as much enthusiasm as she use to if it's just a phase!" Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Ew gross Clarke, please spare me the mental image!" I made a disgusted face.

"Whatever, I have to put up with Raven constantly saying she's the best you've ever had!"

"Yeah but you know that's not true," I smirked

We spent the rest of the day just enjoying each others company, packing our suitcases in between languid kisses. It had been a while since we visited home. I knew Clarke was excited to see her Mom.

"Hey Lex?" Clarke called from our bed, she had been helping me pack but had collapsed an hour ago, the life of a med student catching up with her. I was in the bathroom gathering our toiletries for the short trip.

"Yeah, everything okay?" I popped my head out of the bathroom to check on her.

"It's Friday today," she mumbled eyes still closed.

"Yeah..?"

"I was thinking maybe we could stop at our spot tonight before we go home?" She finally opened her eyes. "We haven't been there in ages and I'd really like to, it makes me feel close to Dad and I couldn't get there for the anniversary and.." I joined her on the bed, interrupting her rambling with a kiss.

"Of course we can!" Her face lit up.

"Great! Now snuggle with me for a while, I'm still sleepy." She pulled me down down, wrapping an arm around my waste and snuggling into my side. She fell back to sleep in seconds.

I wasn't sleepy at all, my mind raced, I breathed deeply trying to relax. I had been waiting for an opportunity like this for weeks, but between moving apartments and Clarke's busy schedule, the time hadn't been right, but now here it was, the perfect moment.

Later that afternoon when Clarke had taken the first load of our stuff to the car, I slipped back into our bedroom, knowing I had to be quick, I hurriedly searched through the back of our closet until I saw the small velvet box I'd hidden when we moved.

With shaking hands I slipped the box into the inside pocket of my coat, my heart raced in excitement as I bit my lip and smiled. Tonight I would propose to my best friend, tonight, hopefully, Clarke would become my fiance.

 

_How long will I love you?_

_As long as stars are above you_

_And longer, if I can_

 

**The En** **d**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and seeing this through to the end! I really appreciate each comment! I will be updating The Nanny soon and I new AU will be coming your way soon...ish

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! The next chapter is written I just need to edit it.  
> I really hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
> I made a little photo collage for this fic you can find it here http://whatamithegeekmonkey.tumblr.com/post/119598363780/you-belong-with-me-modern-clexa-au-clarke-and  
> As always you can find me at whatamithegeekmonkey.tumblr.com Don't hesitate to come say hi!


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